


the one with joey’s stupidly stupid mind.

by cacographyx



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacographyx/pseuds/cacographyx
Summary: “Joey, I mean women,” Ross says, turning around to put his plate in the sink. “Of course you- hold on, what?”
Relationships: Chandler Bing/Joey Tribbiani
Comments: 2
Kudos: 103





	the one with joey’s stupidly stupid mind.

**Author's Note:**

> so uh this was supposed to be a short one-shot... oops. btw, sorry if it’s a lil out of character, i’ve never written friends fics before. mentions sex and has swears. essentially my take on what could’ve happened in season 3, episode 1.

“They’re not breaking up!” Joey shouts as he barges in and slams the door closed. “Chandler and Janice? They’re not breaking up! He didn’t blink or anything!”

Rachel just shrugs and goes back to her breakfast. “Well, you know, I’m not surprised. Have you seen them together? They’re really cute.”

Joey’s eyes just about pop out at her words. Really cute? Oh sure, about as cute as one of Phoebe’s songs about her dead mother.

“‘Cute’? This is Janice!” Joey retaliates back. “You remember Janice?”

“Yes Joey, I remember. She’s annoying,” Rachel responds. “But you know what? She’s his girlfriend now. I mean, what can we do?”

His attitude completely changed by some bipolar wind, Joey jumps up and starts waving his hands around. “There you go! That’s the spirit I was looking for! ‘What can we do?’ All right, who’s first, huh? Ross?”

“Well,” Ross begins, the look on his face reading ‘really, Joey?’. “I’m thinking, Chandler’s our friend, and Janice makes him happy. So I say we be adult about it and accept her.”

His answer makes Joey want to rip out his hair. Why don’t they understand that Chandler and Janice just don’t belong together?

“Yeah,” Joey says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Yeah, we’ll call that Plan B, alright?”

Monica groans. “Joey, what is the big deal with Chandler and Janice being together? They’ve been in and out thousands of times, why should this be any different?”

“BECAUSE HE DIDN’T BLINK, MON!”

Phoebe decides to jump into the conversation now. “He didn’t blink, so what? There probably wasn’t enough dust in the air around him or something.” At Joey’s agitated look, she retreats to the bathroom without another word.

“Listen, we just need to come up with a plan,” Joey says, sitting in Phoebe’s seat, looking directly at Rachel. “C’mon, you want this as much as I do!”

Before Rachel can speak up, however, Ross butts in. “Joey. Let. It. Go. Aren’t you glad that Chandler’s finally happy?”

“What, do you think _I_ don’t make him happy?” Joey asks. Then something in him sinks in and his eyes widen in genuine concern. “Oh no, do I not make him happy?”

“Joey, I mean women,” Ross says, turning around to put his plate in the sink. “Of course you- hold on, what?”

When there is no answer, he whips around to see Joey gone and the door open. Great.

—

The muffled claps on the TV echo through the apartment. Joey, sitting in his recliner, just stares at the electrical box, wondering why none of the others wanted to help him break up Chandler and Janice. Couldn’t they see that they shouldn’t be together?

The door clicks open. “Hey,” Chandler says, walking in.

“Wheel.”

“Of.”

“Fortune!”

Chandler walks up to Joey, who’s laughing dryly at the TV. He narrows his eyes at his friend, but says nothing.

“This guy’s so stupid,” Joey declares. “It’s _Count_ Rushmore!”

Sometimes there are those moments where Chandler really wants to kill himself just to donate his brain cells to Joey.

However, Chandler just decides to humor him. “You should really go on this show.” Joey nods in agreement.

“Alright, listen,” Chandler continues. “I got three tickers to the Rangers tonight. What do you say?”

Joey clicks off the TV in mild drama. “I say I am there!” He grabs a ticket from Chandler’s hand. “Cool! Is Ross going too?”

“No. Janice.”

All of Joey’s excitement slides off of him like water. “Janice?” And maybe he uses his whiny voice. Maybe.

However, he catches sight of Chandler’s expression and quickly stutters out, “Because I just feel bad for Ross, you know? We always go together. We’re like The Three Hockey-teers, you know?”

Joey’s a horrible liar though, and Chandler catches on far too easily. “You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you have a problem with Janice?”

This is said in such an accusatory tone that Joey takes great offense to it, even though he most certainly does have a problem with Chandler’s ‘easy come, easy go’ girlfriend.

“No!” Joey borderline yells, but his guard falters as Chandler glares at him. “Yes…”

“Oh, so, you do have a problem with her. What is your problem, man? I’ve been with her like five times, what’s new?” He sounds so much like Monica that Joey’s getting slight deja vu.

“I don’t- Look, it doesn’t matter. She can come to the game with us, alright?” Joey really does not want to reveal why, not to Chandler of all people. He’d rather strip and dance naked in the middle of Central Perk while Phoebe sings ‘Smelly Cat’.

Chandler, however, does not step back down. “No, no. Joey, tell me why you have a problem with my girlfriend.”

This time it’s Joey that glares at him. “I said it’s fine already. God, I say I don’t want her to go and you ask me why and now I’m saying that she can and you’re asking me why about that too? What the hell do you want, Chandler? I’m fine with Janice coming, drop it, okay?”

Jesus Christ. Chandler’s about to really let Joey know when he’s stopped by something. Something hugely out of character for his best friend. Is that… why the hell are Joey’s eyes so shiny?

“Joey, I-”

But before Chandler can get anything else out, Joey’s gone like the wind. God, the man could move fast when he wanted to.

—

A half hour later, Joey finds himself drinking coffee and sitting on the couch in Central Perk, not dancing, fully clothed, and without music.

“Still sulking about Chandler and Janice?” Monica asks, half teasing and half annoyed. “Look, would you seriously drop it already? Chandler really likes her, it really doesn’t seem like they’re gonna break it off anytime soon.”

Mon isn’t helping Joey’s internal battle, and he really wants to rip off his arm and smack her with it.

Meanwhile, Ross is contemplating what Joey said that morning about making Chandler happy. Could it be possible that Joey liked him in that way? The duo did spend a lot of time together; they literally live together.

“C’mon, Joey,” Phoebe says. “How about some ‘Smelly Cat’ to take your mind off of them, hmm?”

Seriously?

“Thanks Pheebs, but I’m gonna go back to the apartment. You know, play some foosball, watch TV, or get something to eat.”

Everyone nods and Joey stalks off.

“Wait- something to eat? You’re in a literal coffee house!” Rachel calls out, but Joey’s already gone and out of sight.

There’s silence amongst the friends as everyone tries to grasp their minds on what just happened.

Then it’s broken.

“Rachel, can you get me some tea?”

—

Joey is a liar. He does not go back to the apartment. He would rather chew off his own foot than go back.

Instead, he strolls off to Central Park to try and recollect his thoughts.

Man, the key word of the day is definitely ‘try’.

It is unlike Joey to stay quiet for so long. But this is a different circumstance. This is about his best friend and his increasingly annoying girlfriend.

There’s one thing Joey doesn’t quite understand. Why the hell does it bother him so much to see Chandler date Janice? He and Monica are right; this has happened more than once, so why is Joey so irritated now? Could he be jealous of Chandler? No, it’s not Janice. Her congested laugh and extremely exaggerated “oh my god” make him want to stab her.

So what exactly was the source of this special type of anger?

Joey has slept with more than one woman. He has kissed and hugged and handled many of them.

But has he ever actually been in love before? Has he actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with someone? Has he actually wanted to marry someone, have sex with someone to produce offspring, and raise children with someone?

Joey’s head is about to implode with these heavy questions.

God, he hates Central Park.

—

After a heated debate with himself, Joey ultimately decides to go back to his building. However, he will avoid his apartment and go to Monica and Rachel’s for the sole purpose of getting some medication.

But then he will head straight back outside and go down to a bar or something. No interactions with anyone, especially not Chandler.

Too bad Joey just can’t keep his promises sometimes.

Taking two gulps of water along with three pills, he sighs and looks around the empty kitchen, deciding that he hates Janice with a burning passion. He hates everything about her. He knows it isn’t fair but since when has life ever been fair?

Joey swears he meant to leave the apartment and go down the stairs and back outside immediately after taking the medicine, but something in his stupidly stupid mind makes him take five steps across the hall and open the door leading to the exact place he had been avoiding for the past two hours.

“Damnit,” Joey swears, wanting to chop off his hand and burn it in a fire. But then when he actually looks around the apartment, he’s relieved to see no one there. Maybe Chandler has gone out with Janice. Suddenly he doesn’t know whether that thought makes him feel better or worse.

He turns around, about to head out, when he’s faced with the one and only part confused, part worried Chandler Bing.

“Holy mother of all that is good and pure,” Joey hisses out, various curses bouncing around in his skull.

Chandler bites his lip nervously. “I, uh- just… you’re back!”

“Yeah, I live here.” This comes out harsher than intended, but all Joey can think about is his best friend and Janice and how stupid they are together and how much he hates it and how much he hates that he doesn’t understand why he hates it.

“Okay,” Chandler says, wanting closure to this odd behavior. “Alright, Joey. What’s the matter with you? I mean, I always knew you were never too fond of Janice, but seriously, what’s going on?”

Suddenly, Ross’s words are coming back to Joey.

_“Joey. Let. It. Go. Aren’t you glad that Chandler’s finally happy?”_

_“What, do you think I don’t make him happy? Oh no, do I not make him happy?”_

“She makes you happy.”

“Huh?”

Joey clears his throat, willing himself not to pussy out of this conversation. “I said, she makes you happy.”

Chandler looks even more confused. “You mean Janice?”

“Yeah.”

“So?” Chandler laughs a little, but not out of humor. “So Janice makes me happy. She- that’s normal. She’s my girlfriend.”

“Don’t… don’t I make you happy?”

Well, that was an unexpected turn. Chandler thinks his brain is going to overheat from trying to come up with a reasonable answer.

“What? I- Joey, o-of course you do-”

“But it’s not in the same way she does.” There’s something about the bitter tone and the way his words bite at Chandler that make him back up a little.

“What the hell does it matter to you what I’ve done? I’ve spent years, and when I say years I mean _years_ , trying to make you happy.” As Joey gets further and further into his mini speech, he inches closer to possibly crying and Chandler knows it. “I took those acting jobs to help pay for rent and the recliners for your comfort and moved out because I thought you needed some space away from me and let you keep the foosball table because I thought you would be reminded of me with it and moved back in when you had wanted me back and kept quiet when you kissed Janice a few days ago and told you you could bring her to the games even though she annoys the fuck out of me. And now Janice is the one that makes you happy, right? So clearly,” Joey scoffs here, although it’s more heartbreaking than bitter at this point. “Clearly, you don’t need me. Clearly, all you need is Janice.”

Chandler tries to say something, anything here, but not before Joey pounds in the final nail.

“Clearly, you want me to move out again. And this time for good.”

Joey goes to leave the apartment, but Chandler thinks fast and his reflexes make him grab his friend’s arm.

“No, Joey, don’t go. Just- explain. Please.”

It’s safe to say that Joey is more than appalled. “Explain?! Explain what? I already explained everything you wanted to know!”

Chandler closes his eyes. “No, I meant… c’mon, sit down, Joey.”

“No! I’m not sitting down- what the hell…” Joey tugs at his hair with both hands. “I’ve already explained everything, what more do you want from me? Huh? What the hell do you want?”

“Just… why?” Chandler tries to get his friend to at least calm down a little. “Seriously, why does it bother you so much to see me dating Janice?”

Even though that is what his goal was, he did not expect it to work. Joey stops massacring his hair and stares at Chandler. His best friend. Best. Friend…

“Maybe it’s just seeing you with her. The way you look at her like she’s your entire world. The way you cancel any plans to spend more and more time with her. The way she can tell you she loves you in the romantic way and you don’t question her. Maybe whenever I have sex with someone, it’s not their face that I’m picturing. Maybe when you and Janice are going off in your bedroom, I can hear everything and it’s not just the loudness keeping me up. Maybe…”

Joey trails off, half horrified as his original plan had not exactly been saying all of that to the person in question. Chandler on the other hand looks positively baffled.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Joey stutters out, rushing back to the door. “I should be on my way now.”

“Wait, don’t go-”

And again, Chandler grabs his arm and spins him around, not wanting Joey to just leave like that, utterly hurt.

But the action, clearly shocking Joey, makes the latter stumble forward. This allows Chandler to catch sight of his friend’s eyes up close and he wonders how he never noticed how truly beautiful they are. They’re brown like Janice’s, but they’re so much deeper. A couple shades darker. Better. Prettier.

Neither men are aware of what’s happening outside of their little focus session, but as Chandler leans in closer and closer towards Joey, all they can feel are fireworks and sparks of joy.

**Author's Note:**

> well, i guess you can probably assume what happens next. ugh, get that thought out of your dirty minds! jk, you can think that if you want. i’ll just leave that part up to you. mainly wrote this because i need more joeyxchandler fics that involve chandler’s relationship with janice. by the way, don’t hate the character, hate the laugh.  
> -  
> please leave kudos and a comment if you liked this. have a good day/night.


End file.
